Everyone in the Philippines must be getting tired of seeing this fat-faced, clean cut, orange clothed Presidential candidate, Manny Villar. 


You can see him everywhere -- in your TV screens, on the road, in your computer screen, on iPhones, in the papers, ... and yes, even in your own rooms...

I received this via email and I find it funny so I thought of sharing it here. It was made by a foreigner who is married and very much in love with a Filipina. He also said he is in love with the Philippine culture and would love to settle down in the Philippines when he retires.


How would you know when you're at a Filipino party?
Simple!
          
You're an hour late and there's still nobody there!

There’s enough food to feed the Philippines .

You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way..

You see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino, and a barrel man.

They're singing "Peelings" on karaoke.

There's a piano in the living room for decoration.

You are greeted by a Tita Baby and/or a Tito Boy.

The older men are in the garage playing pusoy-dos, or poker or 31, the women are in the kitchen gossiping, or are playing mahjong, the other people are in the entertainment room singing karaoke, and the kids are outside the streets running around unsupervised.

There's goat 'pulutan' being cooked.

There's a jolly woman with a camera going around the room snapping away and yelling, "Uy peeeek-chuuur!"

You enter a family party and you "Mano" to half the old crowd and when you leave you have to say goodbye to EVERYONE that's related to  you as a sign of respect. You end up saying hello and goodbye for a total of 30-40 minutes.

You know you're at a Filipino party when you hear a male's voice on the karaoke trying to emulate Frank Sinatra's "My Way".

Women are still doing the line dance to "todo todo "..

When there's at least one or more with the name : JP,JJ, JT,TJ,DJ,AJ, RJ, LJ,  Lingling, Bingbing, Tingting, Dingding, Wengweng, Bongbong, Dongdong etc.

All the old aunties and guests are already wrapping up food to take home.

You have the Pacquiao fight on the cable boxes on the 70" LCD in the movie room,
The 10 yr old 50" CRT in the living room,
The 15 yr old 30" tube in the breakfast nook,
The 20 yr old 15" tube in the kitchen,
The 30 yr old 13" tube in the garage
And the Little portable by the BBQ grill,
Because TVs are NEVER retired in a Filipino household, they merely get demoted to whichever room doesn't have a TV yet (hahaha),then it ends up in the balikbayan box to be sent to a relative back home.

Someone is always in the kitchen constantly cleaning up, and you're not sure if she's the househelp or a relative, so you greet and kiss them on the cheek anyway.

Relatives/friends will ask you where you work and if it's a retail job or if you work at an amusement park, they'll ask if you can get them a discount.

The lumpia (spring rolls) are gone in 5 minutes and they are frying up another batch.

They play achy-breaky heart over and over again.


OH DI BA?

For everyone to know, Inday is a fictional character whose life is featured in a series of text jokes circulating in the internet or SMS on mobile phones among Filipinos. Inday is a house helper who is well-versed and fluent in english. With her witty character and highly sophisticated and educational conversations with her boss, makes "Inday series" very popular to Filipinos here and abroad. Check this article from Inquirer.net  to understand more about Inday's amazing popularity.

You might also be interested to see Inday's bio-data at Blog ni Inday.

Here are some of Inday series of jokes that I got through SMS:

Amo: Inday! Bakit diyan mo pinapakain sa sahig si JR! Ang dum-dumi jan! Bluebaby pa naman ‘yan!

Inday: Haller! What do you think of me, a moron?! “Blue spells” or “tet spells” of acute hypoxia usually occur during feeding. Squatting in ambulatory in a child with a tetralogy of fallout as a compensatory mechanism increases systematic resistance in venous return, briefly decreasing hypoxia! Now, you choose, you still want to see him alive, but with rashes or let him rest in peace?!

Amo: (collapsed)


-- -- --


Amo: Inday ano ulam natin? Darating na ang Señor mo.

Inday: Due to the frequent mass media coverage on hog cholera, I’ve consequently given a judgment on sauteing exquisite scallops in unsalted butter together with pungent white onion and tossed it with brisk asparagus. I’ve also assented to twist it with fresh lemonzest and advance its taste via blending a petty amount of chardonay white wine as well as a cup of viscous cream.

Amo: (Nosebleed)

-- -- --


(day-off ni Inday)

Mrs.: Aba, ang ganda mo ngayon Inday ah! San ka ba pupunta?

Inday: I need to visit my friend, she’s very ill.

Mrs.: Ah ganun ba. Avon din ba yang make-up mo tulad nung sakin?

Inday: Sorry?

Mrs: Sabi ko Avon din ba ang mga make-up mo?!?

Inday: No, no, no. I use The Lash Queen Gold Edition Mascaras, those are the real musts of Helena Rubinstein’s Tsarine collection.. I also use the David Loose eyeshadow, Stellars Gloss and Color Clone. And for my skin, I use Helena Rubinstein’s Gold Future, the first skincare treatment with real micro-active ‘Gold’ in its formula. It boosts my skin’s youth immunity and gives me incomparable radiance.

Mrs.: (namutla)

--  --  --


*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce

*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive

*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests

- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday.


-- -- --



"Bloody hell!!! How dare you to just land on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"

- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia.

--  --  --


"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market."

- sagot ni Inday sa tanong ng amo nya kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang.

--  --  --


"Dear Mom, Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.

Your daughter,
Inday"
xoxox


"Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Tatay"