10. In reality you don’t succeed in life just because you are good looking and easy to get along with. Oh, wait, maybe that should be changed to “you don’t always succeed…”

9. In reality, women have a lot more unwanted body hair after being stranded in a jungle for 42 days.

8. You can go ahead and pretend you don’t fart in public, poop your pants, or talk to people with a booger hanging out of your nose – but in reality, this has probably happened to you.

7. In reality (unlike books, movies and television) people do lots of ordinary, meaningless things that don’t move the story along.

6. The only time it’s cool to wear a small square of fabric in 15 different ways in reality is if you have a job modelling ‘The Wonder Scarf’ on the shopping channel.

5. Cameras would never follow non-famous people around everywhere. In fact, even famous people rarely do anything exciting when cameras follow them around. This is probably the best evidence that what happens on ‘reality television’ isn’t real (or the show would be super boring).

4. On reality television people around you say “he’s good at playing the game” when you lie to them, connive, and make secret alliances to get what you want; but in reality, people would call you a dishonest, two-faced jerk and they’d ask, “Who does he think he is, J.R. Ewing? That may fly on TV but in real life he is probably going to get his butt kicked at some point.”

3. In the real world your employers don’t encourage you to sleep with colleagues while they film you (unless you work in the porn industry, of course).

2. In reality, if a crew of invisible (“off camera”) people are encouraging your behavior or giving you directions, you probably should tell your doctor.

1. In reality, something isn’t real just because you call it real. For example, if I pointed to a potato and said, “That’s a real television,” you wouldn’t believe me. However, if I’m in TV land and I call my TV show “reality television”, it seems like a lot of people actually believe it is real.